Open and honest communication leads to stronger connections between a couple and it’s all about the connection.  Once you and your partner regain and re-discover your connection the bedroom will be the place where you will experience the blissful benefits of true intimacy.  If sex and intimacy have been lacking in your relationship you may need to transition from a “roommate type connection” to a lovers type connection.  This transition should be fun and not feel like work or a struggle.


  In order to communicate with your partner you need to feel comfortable in knowing that your feelings and ideas about sex are not going to be ridiculed, laughed at,or make you feel embarrassed in any way. Talk when you both have time, feel rested and have no potential interruptions.  Take his or her hands, look in their eyes and tell them you want to enjoy him/her even more in the bedroom and you’ve been thinking about it, but you have concerns about being open and see what happens.  My very strong guess is you will have a very willing and excited partner! 


 Complimenting your partner goes a long long way and makes them feel special, loved and attractive all at once. Ladies, this is something you want to do as well.  It tells your man that YOU are attracted to him.  Believe it or not, your opinion of him is extremely important and many guys think their wives simply put up with them and do not want to be bothered and are not really attracted to them any longer.  He most likely will not admit this to you, but it’s true. This is conveyed in many ways both in and outside the bedroom. This is particularly important since most men are the initiators; they may rarely experience the feeling of “being wanted” by you.  This itself over time can decrease his desire or interest.  Simply saying something like, “you look really good in that shirt, I love that cologne on you- umm you smell good, I can’t wait to be close to you tonight, or thanks for making me laugh I love your sense of humor… Such comments are often well received and can go a long way for setting up a mood for intimacy.


Once you begin to develop the confidence in initiating this light foreplay even before he/she leaves the house, this allows both of your minds to be on similar wavelengths.  

Make time to connect regularly


Married couples do not need to do a lot of things together to feel connected.  But they do need to do something together on a “regular basis“.   For example, exercising or taking a dance class together has so many obvious benefits to building and reconnecting the bonds of your relationship.  Whatever you do, try to make it fun and playful by simple touching and flirting which can go a long way towards foreplay.  Furthermore you have the opportunity to compliment each other on whatever activity you are doing together.  If it’s exercise, certainly reaffirm your partner’s effort and commitment by complimenting them on how they look or how well they are performing a routine.  

Ladies don’t take the backseat!!


Traditionally sex has often been perceived as an act that is initiated by the man.  How about we just toss that old way of thinking out the window.  Sex is between you and your partner. There is no rule that as a woman you should simply take the backseat and let your husband do all the driving and planning.  Especially in long distance drives (long term relationships), even men who feel the need to do all the driving would not mind if his partner took the wheel from time to time.  A refreshing break so all can enjoy the ride so to speak.  So ladies if you want to be intimate later on that evening for instance, tell him you would love to be with him tonight.   Men are not the most observant and we don’t read between the lines very well.   Let him know how you feel when and what you want, and dare to show him whenever possible.  Men may not like to ask for directions, but directions on how to turn you on? Most guys will listen and at least try!




It seems whenever my wife asks me to get something as simple as trash bags I come back with the wrong one.  

If I even think about buying her shoes know matter how nice I think they may look, there’s about a 95% chance they will have to be returned for one reason or another.  My point:  Buy sex toys together.  This will ensure that both of you are comfortable and give you something to explore together and look forward to.

Carrying out role playing fantasies


Make a list of things you both want to do/try then actively set up dates for it to happen and be excited about it.  


Once you begin reconnecting and become comfortable communicating, complementing, routinely doing something together that can enhance your intimacy, carrying out fantasies, role playing and adding new toys can make your marriage and your sex life a very happy and fulfilling experience.

For information on solutions for low libido, arousal, or orgasm, click the link below to see how these challenges can be easily dealt with.





Dr. Weng

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